You're gone. You're really gone.

You're gone.  You're really gone. 

I don't know what to say.  I don't know if I miss you.  I don't know what it is like to not have you in my life.  Is this good?  Is this bad? 

We are apart now.

Am I lost?  Am I found?

You are not in my life.  I am on a path without you.

It happened.

You're gone. 

Good bye

Last night I said good-bye to an old friend.  It was hard, but easy. 

Time to leave that path we walked together, and for me to start a new journey without you. I will miss you, and everything you taught me. 

Good-bye.

THE KEY!!!!!!!

One more time

One more time around for me.  Here is goes again.  Hitting the fan.  Need to get back on track and ready for something better.

Hello there lone keyboard

Seems as though my keyboard wasn't working, by that I really mean my computer broke and I tried to replace it but it was more than I was expecting and I finally purchased a new computer.  Oh and my new computer I really mean a hip laptop.  Love color. 

How could I pass up a day like today to journal my feelings and let it all come out.  For that is today, good feeling.  Good luck.  And good fortune.  Overall, I have to say that is good.  But since I was up late last night, it is almost time for a brief nap.  Hello pillow.  Then hello coffee.

The laundry is in need of a cleaning

Great day to be at the Laundromat, but for a place that is supposed to make all of my clothes sparkly clean, this place is dirty.  I see remnants of hair, soiled belongings, food, and a smokers cig butt on the floor.  When you want to be clean, you want the place you get clean, to be clean.  Is that too much to ask? 

Clean = good.  Trying to get clean when its dirty = gross. 

Good/Gross.

I think I like CLEAN clothes.  Please mop the floors.  Hmm, I wonder about the buttons I just pushed.  That's another manic topic for me.  Jeepers.

Starting new

When things get to be so difficult you have to start new and start over and stop being reliant on your past.  But sometimes there is something haunting you from your past, a mistake you made that makes it hard to move on.  I will move on.  I will move on.  My motivation has dropped to a record low and now it is starting to affect my health.  Why am I letting it affect my health?  I have no idea, but I did let it affect my health.  I created this destructive problem and now it is time to fix it.

Have you ever had a problem so big, you didn't know how to fix it?

Have you ever had a problem that affect YOUR HEALTH?

Have you ever needed to find a new path in life, to get away from the past?

Well, that is me.  Help me move it.  This is ok. This is ok.  This is ok.

Detective work

The solution to any good problem can be determined by figuring out what that problem is!  So, if the focus is to regain my health and get over this, I need to know why I am having so many unhealthy thoughts and action, and put myself back together before anyone else realizes I have fallen to pieces.  What is the real problem here with my obsession. 

Quote from my lesson this week,
“The formulation of the problem is often more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill.” Einstein


nutrition cycling

Number 2! Ughhhh, I give up.

I am so done with this day.  Talking my break and going to get out of here and skip for rest of the day.  Cheerio peoples, my day is improving already because something more fun just called.  (Action #1 - I did something for myself.)  Big step.  Big step.  First step of many.

Why Reflections?

So why is this titled "Reflections"? 

To keep track of my emotions and feelings and see if I can find a pattern.  I have been told that keeping a diary is a great way to figure out behavior, and I need to survive the next few months.  This is going to help me release those old feelings, so I guess that should be the goal to change the title to "Release" when I let go of my troubled past.  This better work!  Love, Annie G (no relationship to Kenny G, promised).

bad weather

It's a weather duet!   I am under the weather and its bad weather outside.  So would this make a good day for another haiku. 

Outside is so grey
Inside reminds me of you
Raindrops wash it away
by: Anne Guzman

Oh, my past romance.  He was in my dreams about last night.  I miss him.  Raindrops are my tears.  Grey is because we are not together.  And yikers my heart pounds for him.

Suds and Spuds

A few too many local brews and chips last night at the pub, but no headache this morning.  Can't believe I have been dealing with my fears for so long.   I have been so scared of the unknown.  Now facing my fears head on.  Making changes.  Switching things up.  No more fear of the unknown.  This is my start to scrub my past and work on new healthy relationships.  Plus it is healthy to remove the bad thoughts and start to my alcohol free week with friends to raise awareness in our district. 

Focus on myself.  I need to heal. No one should be scared all the time.  I hope I can find myself by reflection. But me, I am tough.  I can eat this challenge for breakfast!  I'm up for it.  I have to get this monster out of my closet.

Nourishment for my Soul

So today is day one for nourishment of my soul... and today I get my new tattoo!  The meaning of this new symbol in my life is acceptance of optimal health. Better yet I get to see it every day.  Breathe life into your body and envision it as the healthy temple it is intended to be.  See yourself as a thriving being.   muh - Anne Guzman
     


   

Working on my struggles.

Does this work?  Is this me?  What did I get myself into.  This is normal.  This is normal.  This is normal.  Ok. Does this seem healthy for my body and soul.  I am going to find out.

Today, does not feel normal.  But what is every day supposed to feel like?  Why does every day have to be idyllic.  Or perfect.  I'm not perfect, but ok the way I am right now.  Ok.  Why do I have to struggle.  What is this struggle teaching me.